Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Nurture Topic:How to cope with spouse, partner rejection if you are physically disabled.

http://www.webmd.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/slideshow-rheumatoid-arthritis-exercises
It has been seen that the relationships are generally fine as long as the woman partner looks good, is young and healthy. It has been found that males reject/leave women more easily if they are either physically compromised, disabled, or become old. Men tend to re-marry, find a mate as soon as woman partner id either dead or disabled. In such case what can the rejected partner do. Here are some tips for nurture:

  • Always consult a qualified medical practitioner /counselor for the extent, seriousness, prognosis, treatment, management of your disease/disability/limitation.
  • Learn to accept and emotionally adjust to the disease/disability.
  • Find support: groups/family/friend/spouse/partner.
  • Explain your disease/ disability/ its effects/ treatment/prognosis to your partner. He/she may be equally scared.
  • Provide comfort/ give emotional space in the relationship for a considerable period of time.
  • Do not bring out or red flag a situation when in this phase. Sleep over it in order to find a better solution /understanding of a difficult relationship issue.
  • Do not mix up issues.for example he may be having erectile dysfunction due to stress, ill-health and other medical conditions. Do not bring out aggressive situations where issues are mixed.
  • Always make looking good a part of your daily routine.Physical appeal and appearance has been found to be a major factor in bonding/man to woman relationships.Gays or same sex relationships are far more nurturing especially in male to male  because the dominant role is always sexually oriented.
  • It has been found that woman to man relationships are more prone to separation stresses because the male takes a power/ punish/ i will divorce you syndrome.
  • In male to female relationship woman always has to take the subservient/conformist/do as he pleases role.
  • This role is confused with nurturing/giving/ "good" wife and partner role.
  • Woman has to bear the stresses alone . She cannot "talk back" to spouse. This is very common , almost a "good behavior" in Indian subcontinent especially in Muslims.Islamic religion grants /permits male dominance/ power structure/gender bias.
  • Learn to talk to your spouse/ mate more about the health/ disability in a positive way saying things like "we will be doing this together". 
  • Learn to stay more fit with your condition with exercise/ yoga/ meditation/other support.
  • Find your favorite pastime/ hobbies/enjoy and learn to emotionally accept your disease/ handicap/disability.
  • Find yourself/ your own pleasure/ pastime/ hobby.
  • Nurture your own self.It has been found that people who look after themselves first in a nurturing way are in a better position to nurture/give to others.
  • Find your favorite pastime and enjoy. This may be singing, dancing,music, painting, poetry, teaching, caring, giving, helping.
  • Take control of your emotions/health, disease / disability.
  • You are the Queen/King of your own little world. Be happy.Find support and treatment of mental conditions such as depression.
  • Aways exercise and workout.

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