Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Nurture Topic:How to cope with spouse, partner rejection if you are physically disabled.

It has been seen that the relationships are generally fine as long as the woman partner looks good, is young and healthy. It has been found that males reject/leave women more easily if they are either physically compromised, disabled, or become old. Men tend to re-marry, find a mate as soon as woman partner id either dead or disabled. In such case what can the rejected partner do. Here are some tips for nurture:

  • Always consult a qualified medical practitioner /counselor for the extent, seriousness, prognosis, treatment, management of your disease/disability/limitation.
  • Learn to accept and emotionally adjust to the disease/disability.
  • Find support: groups/family/friend/spouse/partner.
  • Explain your disease/ disability/ its effects/ treatment/prognosis to your partner. He/she may be equally scared.
  • Provide comfort/ give emotional space in the relationship for a considerable period of time.
  • Do not bring out or red flag a situation when in this phase. Sleep over it in order to find a better solution /understanding of a difficult relationship issue.
  • Do not mix up issues.for example he may be having erectile dysfunction due to stress, ill-health and other medical conditions. Do not bring out aggressive situations where issues are mixed.
  • Always make looking good a part of your daily routine.Physical appeal and appearance has been found to be a major factor in bonding/man to woman relationships.Gays or same sex relationships are far more nurturing especially in male to male  because the dominant role is always sexually oriented.
  • It has been found that woman to man relationships are more prone to separation stresses because the male takes a power/ punish/ i will divorce you syndrome.
  • In male to female relationship woman always has to take the subservient/conformist/do as he pleases role.
  • This role is confused with nurturing/giving/ "good" wife and partner role.
  • Woman has to bear the stresses alone . She cannot "talk back" to spouse. This is very common , almost a "good behavior" in Indian subcontinent especially in Muslims.Islamic religion grants /permits male dominance/ power structure/gender bias.
  • Learn to talk to your spouse/ mate more about the health/ disability in a positive way saying things like "we will be doing this together". 
  • Learn to stay more fit with your condition with exercise/ yoga/ meditation/other support.
  • Find your favorite pastime/ hobbies/enjoy and learn to emotionally accept your disease/ handicap/disability.
  • Find yourself/ your own pleasure/ pastime/ hobby.
  • Nurture your own self.It has been found that people who look after themselves first in a nurturing way are in a better position to nurture/give to others.
  • Find your favorite pastime and enjoy. This may be singing, dancing,music, painting, poetry, teaching, caring, giving, helping.
  • Take control of your emotions/health, disease / disability.
  • You are the Queen/King of your own little world. Be happy.Find support and treatment of mental conditions such as depression.
  • Aways exercise and workout.

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